Well it’s been awhile, but I’m back. The rest of our trip was great, but it was also nice to be home from California to relax at home for a bit.
Sometimes I feel like when I write on this here blog I’m sort of covering up the important things with topics like music and baseball that people can easily digest. But the bottom line is that this isn’t at all easy for me, and I’d like to get that out, not necessarily for anyone reading this but for me personally.
I’m dying. There’s just nothing more to say. Sure there’s room for miracles, and last minute cures, but it really doesn’t look good. So how do I deal? I remember writing in my journal that any positive emotion of happiness or optimism or joy is tainted a bit by the knowledge of all this other shit. Death impurifies any positive emotion. I wish that the purity of life could somehow overcome in my mind and I could go about this different. And the truth is, sometimes it does; and those days I wouldn’t say I’m depressed. But the rest of the days the impurity of emotions causes depression, and I have to deal with this every day.
Every day think about what happens if I die. I can choose to ignore it and take life day by day, but that is alot more difficult than it sounds.
So this is a morose post, but hopefully there will be more happy ones as I try and enjoy my life as it has turned out. Thanks everybody for your continued support, and I hope you’ll all still continue to be there for me.
And acc. to Billy Joel I must be doing something right….